The n Second Rule

The theory goes that you have 3 seconds (or 5 or 10, depending on who it is) from the moment a food item touches the floor, to pick it up and thus preserving it's edibility and your status in society. However I feel that an arbitrary number, such as 3, doesn't quite do the situation justice. Firstly there are a number of factors to consider when deliberating this conundrum and secondly, there are times when it isn't possible to get to the food item within the 3 seconds, for instance if it's fallen behind a sofa or cupboard. In order to obtain a more true value for such an event, I have devised the following equation:

n =	d( t + h ) f

Where

n = number of seconds available to you
d = difficulty of food position (1 - 3)
t = tastiness of the food stuff (1 - 10)
h = how hungry you are (1 - 10)
f = dirtiness of the floor/area the food lands (1 - 5)

This allows a maximum of 60 seconds for a difficultly places, very tasty object on a clean floor whilst very hungry. Or 2/5th of a second for a easy grab of a bland item off a grimy park bench, having just eaten a large meal.

I feel this gives a more accurate representation of the n second rule and will enable more food stuffs to be eaten prior to an accidental drop, by more people around the world, thus decreasing waste food and boosting immune systems.